The latest, brace yourselves … it’s a long one!

Posted on November 12th, 2009 at 10:44 PM / 1 comment »

Well Hello there people! It’s been a while since I’ve updated you on what’s happening, so here I am to fill you in!

I had a busy month or so with a few different things happening. I travelled to Stoke to do my interview and songs on the Rimmerama show for Cross Rhythms radio (you can download the interview and songs free from itunes). That was quite fun, although the journey home was nightmare, never trust a sat nav when you know that you know better!

I also had a couple of performances at the Salvation Army and at an awards ceremony for a London Exam board.

I led Worship and did a concert at ‘Keswick in Lichfield’, which was good. It’s basically like a mini Keswick convention that isn’t in Keswick!

I’ve been up and down to Sheffield a couple of times too in my ‘ambassador’ capacity for City Hearts. I got to meet some of the girls the organisation works with, and saw a little of the kind of work they do to help these young women get back on their feet after all kinds of traumas. It’s a privilege to be a part of it.

It has been quite a scary but exciting time lately. It’s the first term I have not been working in a school/college and I was curious to see what would happen as a result of me taking time out. It has been INCREDIBLE!

It has been (and still can be) scary in terms of finances, and the career risk etc but so far I’m not regretting any of it. I have been able to spend time just slowing down and re-focussing on what is truly important. Namely, being God’s child and living in relationship with Him. He has blessed me in ways I really didn’t expect and I’m so thankful. The time I’ve been able to spend just talking to God and listening to Him have made such a HUGE difference in my day to day life, and He’s really answering my prayers in HUGE and AMAZING ways! I’m so thankful!

He’s opening career doors I didn’t expect and is resurrecting creative ideas I thought had died long ago. I don’t want to say too much about these things as not all of them are definite as yet, although they appear to be! When I have definite confirmations I’ll spill the beans but till then you’ll just have to be in suspense!

There are things which aren’t entirely going to plan (that is, my plan), but when it comes to some things I can be incredibly impatient and stubborn, and can get easily frustrated. I’m learning to chill and relax more, after all When has God not been in control? Things get confusing and frustrating when I try and impose my own agenda and time frame, so I’m learning to relax and to not stress about things.
Above all I’m incredibly thankful to God for keeping me as I’ve changed direction and taken a step of faith in leaving solid reliable employment. I am thankful that I have a husband who understands and is supportive and is just generally ‘great’ to me.

Another MASSIVE thing is that over the past year or two I have been battling with significant ‘giants’ from the past as well. To be quite honest, this has been one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to face – it’s brought me incredibly low and produced an overwhelming amount of anxiety in me. I thought I wouldn’t be able to get through it, but it came to a point where I knew I had to face it no matter what the implications were for myself, or for others. It’s not so hard to face and conquer ‘giants’ like these when you can do it without involving, and potentially hurting, other people. However this issue was a deep-rooted one which did involve other people.

The hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and the hardest conversations I’ve ever had to have – have all taken place in these last few months. It has been agonising, draining, terrifying – and God has worked awesome miracles of healing through it. I have been suffering for years with burdens that were not mine to carry, I have felt pain and confusion over situations that were hugely unfair.

God brought me to a place where I could not stand under it any longer, so I was brought to my knees and I cried to Him. I confessed that I could not control the situation and was hopeless. He gave me the solution and he gave me the strength to pursue it. I had no other choice, I had come to the end of myself.

I am so grateful that I did. He used that situation to lift a twenty year old, heavy burden from me. He was in the conversations that needed to be had, he provided the right words which brought healing to more than just me (I believe).

I feel free … in a way that is totally new. I don’t feel I have to hide, or be ashamed or feel laden with guilt anymore. God has set me free, and I’m so thankful. I’m as light as a feather and those issues will never get to me again.

1 comment »

Sophia Monk commented on October 25th, 2010 at 8:05 PM:

Jayne, I am so pleased that you have been able to deal with the ‘giants’ of your past. I too, have had to walk this road in my life so I understand just how draining and scary it can be – congratulations for being a strong woman of God. I had no idea you are now married – congratulations once more!! :o) What is your husband’s name and when and how did you meet?
Love Sophia xx

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